ignoring advice

The truth doesn’t matter,
just what does it feel like?
It feels like your hearing
is two steps removed.
The truth doesn’t matter,
just what does it feel like?
It feels like taking outside advice in matters of internal decisions
would be the same as listening to static and dancing to its tune.

The truth doesn’t matter,
what matters is how it feels,
and an outside perspective is too acid-etch obscured
with too many broad assumptions and too lacking past regrets.
The truth doesn’t matter,
what matters is how it feels,
and to explain that would be to malconstruct a memory
where it exists in perfectly abstract formlessness.

The truth doesn’t matter
in its weighted aggregate,
but it feels exactly as it should
when I know it to be true.
The truth doesn’t matter
in its weighted aggregate:
it lacks the beauty of a well-crafted fiction
written by a single author,
using eigenwords without abuse.

The truth lacks
the the twisted interpretations
of a soul-searched history;
it lacks the rewritten meanings
of a thousand words
previously defined insufficiently;
it lacks the trust that I have in myself
to know when to say ‘when’
when it starts to feel wrong.

The truth doesn’t matter,
just what does it feel like?
It feels like I should step outside to start my life:
like I should step into the sun.
The truth doesn’t matter,
just what does it feel like?
It feels like I should throw away my interpreted mistakes:
like there’s no point any longer to consider them.
The truth doesn’t matter,
just what does it feel like?
It feels like life could be futile, but it could also be fun:

I considered your voice
I hummed my own tune
I picked up my scissors to run

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