a future-signed confession

Yesterday, I looked outside to see how I felt. The sky was white with indifference so I waited until today I’ll put off until tomorrow. The same sky overhead sums to somenothings, and it wasn’t that clever it’s never that clever it’s a distraction and it stopped possibly never started working, but it bought some time already bought some time already wasted our time I am wasting your time. Our time. The bottleneck doesn’t know what choking feels like doesn’t know what patience requires doesn’t see the full picture isn’t looking listening doesn’t give a fuck. I brought this up. I passed this off. The guilt, the blame, a penance. I brought this up I passed this off, but the bottleneck is better at finger-point diffusion. I am better at saying ‘because’ when I need to finally respond. This is because because because I am better at passing blame. This is because I am a trash person and my priorities are measured fair in skewing centigrade. But that’s neither here nor there this is only here not there this is only being said here.

Today, I looked inside to see how just how I fell. My mind is blank with answers it’s not filled with my own questions but it’s filled with the indecision as I’m inching toward having to choose a more active voice. Meanwhile I am working on digging graves with recycled situations. That’s how I justly fell. No melted wings, just empty bottle split decisions just empty simple thinking. I am breaking bottles I am building a mosaic, and it is broken window beautiful the jagged shape of shattered hopes. How do you end up with nothing you always wanted? Well you say what you want and do whateverything else you want as well. That wasn’t clever either I’m just using my breath to suck air through straws.

An apology is worth nothing today: there is no clever way to say I am choosing to do something that is perhaps perceived a wrong. Happiness is slippery, and sadness is a certainty, and here lies blissful ignorance I ignored him till death-parted. I point out too much to pretend I don’t know what I know you’re going to mean when you say it.  I have my responses all worked out they’re see-through though you’ll see right through them, and they’re not that clever anyhow. I’ll just wear the black hat regardless of its future fit, and a cloak of indifference made up of ill-placed patchwork wit. 

I could let go at any time, but I am watching the ball drop I’m watching the countdown. I could let go at any time, but I don’t like to be the one who flips the one-way switch. I can’t hold on at anytime I could hold on right now. But I’m too busy counting choices as they prepare to shatter on the concrete ground.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s