mother’s day

self-loathing self-defeat a self-wasted expense of potential energy: i hear my phone as it rings but past defeats ring louder. standing stuck staring in a mirror lost watching a face changing aging becoming who i thought i’d never be. human faulted flawed too caught up in my beliefs. human sheltered saved for a later life reprieve. i’ve seen these eyes before and they’ve looked right back at me, but i was seeing shattered hopes, and you were seeing living dreams. you gave me what you could, when there wasn’t much to give, and i took it but still wondered why when growing up i felt more like an adult than a kid. i grew up i felt broken i tried forgetting just to be reminded. time heals all wounds but insulting injuries split open harbored scars. i am looking searching finding myself i am peering introspective deep. i want to be more than what you wanted for you more than what you wanted expected for me. i look into the mirror and i see one face made up of past memories mistakes and inescapable irreplaceable dna. i hope one day i can answer my phone and i hope i know which words to say, but i’m sorry i’m so sorry: it just can’t be today.

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