sorting out certainties

I’m looking in from the inside: too close, too close, too alone. A broadening perspective: much needed. The introduction of external factors. My mind expanding strained trying to organize all of what we both need, without forcing a compromise – at a stalemate refusing compromise – scared of asking, but more scared of retreat. You hold so tight yet you’re ready to let go. Already having let go but waiting for a final disappearance. Enjoying it while it lasts. Enjoy it while we’re here. Sink sink sink hold down hold under all unacknowledged latent fears.

We could go on some adventures. We could grow we could explore. We could learn from all of Them – taking pieces of extended olive flesh – to try to figure out who we individually are. Grasping taking hoarding knowledge of some small newly-added fact, of what it means to be human – a lonely longing part of something incomprehensibly more.  I could, you could, or we could take it day by day. Set out to sooth our restless minds – forget we’re only pawns in play. My next move: I don’t know – I’m still pretending I don’t know the rules. Your next move: unwritten, unknown to me. Possibly no more than a blip of thought in your mind, where no push has yet brought to surface your shove’s necessity.

You whispered in my ear, on a day not unlike so many others, that I am the kind of girl who deserves everything. I whispered back: I’ll have it all. We will. Because if I had it all I would share it all to you, and I will have it all and I will share it all to you. 

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