the growing need for an expansive vocabulary

The feeling of wanting to say I’m alright because I am, but not being able to get the words out without tears forming a layer over my eyes, and trying not to blink because to blink would cause the layer to collect as a droplet, which your eyes would follow as it fell down my cheek, but be powerless to stop, even though I am alright, and it’s not your duty to make me feel alright, and this involuntary formation of water is a response to your caring, because I know that you want me to be alright, and even though I am alright, your wanting so deeply for me to be alright almost makes me feel guilty, which I guess means I do not actually think I am as alright as you want me be and so I guess I am lying to me and to you (but no longer to us) to say I am alright, and there are varying levels of alright and I am not at the level you’d like me to be at in order to qualify as alright. There should be a word for that feeling.

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