Sleeplessness

I check to see if my alarm is set, and then I put my phone down. I pick my phone back up and I check my email to see if I have any interview requests or followups or job offers, because, at this point, it is nearly 7 AM on the east coast and some people do make those types of decisions at this time, although it never seems to be the case for me. I check to see if my volume is turned up, because even though I am almost certain that the alarm sounds when my phone is on vibrate (and what point would the alarm be if it was silent), one can never be too sure, now can one, now can one?  I put my phone back down, but pick it up again to check on the alarm one last time because AM and PM are two completely different things, and at this point, if I fell asleep, I would probably not wake up within 3 hours of my chosen time, and I just can’t deal with the guilt of sleeping until noon when I am supposed to be looking for a job and becoming a functional member of society post-college. It says “AM” and I realize that I’ve done nothing more than prolong my sleeplessness by looking at that bright little screen in this growing-lighter-by-the-minute room. I shut my eyes again, but they pop back open when I think, for a second, that I smell something burning and wonder if i had begun to make tea and failed by forgetting, leaving a pot of rapidly evaporating water on the stove in the process, which is probably little more than sediment and impurities at this point, and on the verge of engulfing the kitchen in flames. Either that or I am experiencing phantom smells, which I think is a sign of a developing brain tumor, but maybe that’s only for oranges or maybe ‘phantom smells’ are a Hollywood fabrication. Most of my knowledge of the world comes from fiction, and does fiction reflect real life?  Any and all knowledge is probably a reflection of the truth, and therefore inherently distorted and and at varying levels of practical uselessness. This makes me feel slightly nauseous but I roll into the fetal position anyways and pretend to disappear into my pillows and blankets and mattress until I finally do.

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